Feb/100
LOST: The 60s Trailer
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
I didn’t realize that Lost was such a rip-off of this sexy, action spy thriller from the 60s. Looks sexy! And spy-ey! And I have numerous theories about Egyptian mythological symbols that the bikinis represent…
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
Step 1: Play This Every Morning; Step 2: Run This F**king Town
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
For decades, I’ve been searching for the perfect early morning pick-me-up rap song to cause me to feel like a champion til well after the sun sets. Drinking Chivas Regal at 7 am just doesn’t have the same bling to it (kill me) when it’s set to “Jagged Little Pill.”
So thank you, Superbowl XLIV, for giving us the following mash-up, which will serve as a nice replacement to our former Prince-Akeemesque live chamber orchestra alarm clock. It’s Jay-Z & Rihanna meets the CBS NFL theme song (performed by the delicious sounding Posthumus Zone.) It makes me want to make a floor-length fur out of the Puppy Bowlers (separate show, about puppies bowling), and march up and down these city streets for hours on end.
This is how I will begin every morning. For your own sanity, I suggest you do the same.
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
15 Things We Learned From Super Bowl XLIV
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
1. All Honda ads should all begin with the disclaimer “Please Flip to the Puppy Bowl for 30 Seconds”
2. As much as we all love to rip on him, Brett Favre isn’t the only player capable of throwing crippling fourth-quarter interceptions.
3. Married men live a castrated, ghostlike existence of torturous apathy, but at least they have Dodge Chargers / Budweiser / Last Airbender trailers!!!
4. Sean Payton’s testicles boast a circumference five times that of the normal man’s.
5. I incorrectly predicted the outcome of the game, was way off on the score, called the wrong MVP, and generally nothing that I said would happen happened.
6. I was 3-for-4 on The Who’s setlist, so we’ll call my day of predicting a wash.
7. We shouldn’t hold lengthy debates about pro-life commercials until they actually air (my bad). Frankly, I’m now a lot more concerned with Tim Tebow’s beliefs about mom-blindsiding.
8. My “Who are they!” chant didn’t catch on.
9. The NFL correctly decided to scrap their original idea for a Super Bowl MVP prize, a Cadillac with a MANNING vanity license plate featuring his and hers monogrammed MANNING towels in the backseat and a giant “Congratulations Manning!” banner sticking out of the Manningroof (a custom Manning-shaped sunroof).
10. We don’t know Sun Life Financial yet, but WE WILL, MOTHERF***ERS. Sleep with one eye open.
11. Fans and betters alike put way too much stock into the last game the Saints and Colts each played, ignoring the rest of the Saints’ season as a whole. We look forward to completely forgetting we did this and being wrong again next year.
12. CBS couldn’t find Kim Kardashian in the stands.
13. Doritos has cornered the dudes-hit-in-the-nuts demographic.
14. New Orleans is apparently totally fine now. Whew! Thank God for that interception.
15. Seriously, guys, aren’t women d*cks???
What’d you learn during Super Bowl XLIV? Leave some lessons in the comments.
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
OPEN THREAD: Super Bowl Predictions? (Score And Otherwise?)
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
Score: Colts 38, Saints 24 (I’d love to see the Saints win, but if I was throwing money on the game, I wouldn’t throw the money at them, literally or otherwise).
MVP: Colts punter Pat McAfee, after successfully landing two punts inside the Saints’ 15 in the first half to set up crucial field position. Him or Manning.
The Who Halftime Setlist:
1) Baba O’Reilly
2) My Generation (cut off after like 30 seconds)
3) Pinball Wizard
4) Won’t Get Fooled Again
Number Of Mentalist Promos: 7
End Of Broadcast: ~3:45 am
Number Of Times The Word “Manning” Is Uttered On CBS Between Noon And Midnight On Sunday: 3
Number Of Times Co-Workers On Monday Say “The Commercials Sucked This Year”: ERR-UNDEFINED
One score prediction and one random Super Bowl prediction — Leave ‘em in the comments.
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
HAPPY WEEKEND PANDA POST: Baby Pandas In Panda School
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
Do we need to even say anything to get you to watch 16 baby pandas going to panda kindergarten?
ps We would literally gladly kill one of those Chinese men to have the privilege of holding a panda. They should have given pandas out instead of gold medals at the Beijing Olympics for realllll.
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
My Mother Recaps “The Real Housewives of Orange County”
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
Last night’s Real Housewives of The O.C. was picture perfect: Rife with drama, intrigue, and idiotic finger tattooing. Things came to a climax as Lynn decided to hold a civilized dinner party with all the HWives, which of course exploded directly in her face like so many over-pumped restylane lips.
As per tradition, I phoned up my dear mother, Judy Collins of Miami, Florida, to get her opinion on the episode. What I found was a woman on the brink of madness, dying to get her various opinions on each and every wife out into the open, via telephone with my ear glued on the other end. I realized the world needed to hear her thoughts. So without her knowing it, I began transcribing her poetic diatribe to share with all of you. Admittedly, I started a few sentences in, but I think you will pretty much get the gist of her attitude by the time you’re done.
So without further ado, here it is: My Mother’s Recap of “The Real Housewives of the O.C.”
“I have a feeling that any cat I’ve had since I’m married is smarter than Lynn. Vicky is right! None of them work. That Gretchen? She started her makeup line last week, all of a sudden she’s working? And go to any dept store — Walgreens — no one is buying makeup. Whose gonna buy it in this economy?
And that Tamra is garbage. The thing with Vicki and her marriage… I told Daddy ‘Look, if I’m going to complain to a girlfriend of mine that my husband is this, that, and the other, I really don’t expect that girlfriend to go back and tell the husband.’” (Ed. Note: I’m sure this is a purely theoretical situation, Dad.)
That was mistake #1. You can maybe give her advice, but what are you telling the husband? #1. They all came in (impersonating) ‘I dont want any drama….’ Vicki from the beginning should not have stood there! Walk away!
I think the producers coax them in these shows… Because I cannot picture Vicky standing in front of this f*cking shmuck Simon and taking it. I think she’s much smarter than that. If this was me…? ‘You know what? I’m not interested.’ Have a drink and chit chat with your husband.”
“And Tamra has to be the lowest of the low. You know what? He deserves Tamra. And the fact that she’s hot? I don’t find that she’s so hot. I think Gretchen is the best looking.
I hate the new girl! (Ed. note: Alexis.) Such a dumb f*ck woman this is not even a joke. Funny enough, her husband doesn’t bother me. Believe me Michelle, 5 more years, they’re not together. 5 years, he’s gonna dump her like a catsh*t. (direct quote) Because within 5 years he’s gonna realize ‘What kind of a f*ckin’ assh*le am I married to?’
And both of them were married before. 5 years, when her lips are going to stretch she’s going to look like Wayland and Madame over there. Did you ever see the ventriloquist? That Madame was the riskiest show, she was like a bitchy old woman, I used to pee laughing. But what a dog ugly — uch! It was a good show though.”
“I like Don. You know what he is like a happy go lucky guy. Vicky has a very poor choice of words — ‘he wasn’t invited.’ You used to come with me to Israel, did I ever say Daddy isn’t invited?
And Lynn! She looks like a deer caught in headlights — ugly!! She looks like a f*ckin’ voodoo doll, I’m dying to put some pins in her. And her husband!! You know who he looks like? Dan Hedaya… Carla’s husband on Cheers. There was a show called Arthur, only lasted a couple of episodes, still today dadddy and I talk about that show, funny is an understatement!! And that guy just looks like Dan Hedaya.”
I ask my mother what she thinks of Lynn’s daughters:
“Michelle, I’m explaining to you that the woman is a vegetable. The daughters probably never got the word discipline — they probably never heard anything clever coming out of that woman’s mouth. Imagine having a mother who never once says anything smart. The girls are brighter than their own mother, and they’re teenagers, of course with all the money, they’re sh*tting on her. But for her to invite the Youthologist — she was 2 years older than them! Im thinking “Your daughter is smarter than you, you dumb fuck!” The fact that she’s showing her breasts? You have an empty head!
Did you ever see Lynn driving her car? You can’t see her ears, she sits so low, and the wheel is so high, and I’m telling daddy “What is she, a fucking midget! Look at where her arms are holding the wheel!!” I’m telling you, Michelle, every time she comes on, I can’t look at her. Her I hate the most.
Then I don’t know who I hate more, Tamra or that mafioso’s wife. Oh Alexis, I’m sure she was born with that name. She was probably born with a name like Harriet and changed it. You know Tikva – remember my friend Tikva? — you know, her original name was Tikva Mooallem – Arab for teacher — so she changed her name. One day, I get a note, “Oh, I changed my name!” I thought oh she changed Mooallem to something more Israeli, like Sharon. So what did she change? Her first name! From Tikva to Segal. It means violet. Segal Mooallem. Then I went back to Israel and when you’re used to calling them Tikva for so many years, it’s funny calling them Segal all of a sudden. Her father was a pharmacist, a very fine family, her parents adored me. And me and her parents were the only people who she allowed to call her Tikva.”
–The End.
Yes, we end on a tangent. Sometimes life works that way.
Tell us what you thought of last night’s episode below, and if you agree or disagree with the rantings of a very fired up woman who should definitely be included on Bravo’s “Real Housewives of North Miami Beach.”
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
Sex Addicted Owl to Be Killed by Giant Owl C**kblocker
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
Meet Wendy Whitfield. She’s the owner or an adorrrrable own named Twixx (owl cookie center = delicious). Twixx is hard up to get laid by another owl (Snickerzz? 100 Grandd?), and until his owl cravings be satisfied, he’s hooting up a storm much to the chagrin of Wendy’s neighbors…
And now Wendy’s only solution seems to be…
KILL THE OWL.
We don’t get it… Can’t she figure out a way for him to, you know, MATE? She claims there’s a comely young owl who responds to his hoots right outside his cage. Solution: OPEN THE DOOR TO HIS CAGE AND CUE THIS MUSIC. Why do you have to go and kill Twixx?
Before taking a look at the gallery, let it be known that I tried to find a video of owl sex, to show the world how beautiful it could be. Instead, I found this, clearly the inspiration for Will Ferrell’s “Luvah” character:
This post will hopefully explain to my Twitter followers the following Tweet: “How are there like no videos of owls having sex on the internet?” Thank you for reading, and please look through the following gallery for hilarious pics of Twixx looking for action…
SAVE TWIXX!
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
TRAILER MIX: Pixar Meets Zombies in Scariest Animated Movie Since “Polar Express”
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
Little is known about the upcoming digitally animated movie A.D. — so little that we couldn’t even find an IMDB page for it. What we DID learn, however, is that it’s a digitally animated movie about zombies that will make you long for the simpler days of Tom Hanks’ terrifying cartoon mug saying “All aboard!” (vague Polar Express reference? Check.)
The information we’ve gathered (via Buzzfeed and our new favorite website Zombieinfo) has taught us this: The folks behind a digitally animated zombie flick are very serious about scaring the sh*t out of you. Watch this teaser for the film, and then sort of hope it never comes out because you will surely never be the same.
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
5 Ridiculous Music Mashups To Waste Away Your Morning
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
I came across this Blender list of the 5 Most Ridiculously Awesome Mashups Ever this morning, and now, after having watched each one and still never tired of the internet’s endless capacity for creative and technically brilliant pointlessness, I am charitably passing it along.
As an appeteaser (I just mashed up “appetizer” and “teaser”!!!), here’s David Lee Roth and the Fab Four performing “Runnin’ With The Beatles”. You can watch the rest here:
(via Gorillamask)
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
Where The Wild Sopranos Things Are
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
It’s been a while since we’ve seen a good old-fashioned internet movie mashup — I got really tired of them in 2007, like the internet’s version of Thai food — so I was actually kind of refreshed to see that someone did the very-thinkable and inserted James Gandolfini’s Sopranos dialogue into his scenes from Where The Wild Things Are.
By the way, I came up with that super not-forced mashup title — just call me Clever Name Comer Up Wither Man (Language NSFW):
(via Warming Glow)
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
Everybody Sings “Everybody Hurts” as Michael Stipe Chagrins Somewhere
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
We’re guessing that when producers said to legendary REM front man Michael Stipe “Hey, listen, we want to put together a we are the world style cover of ‘Everybody Hurts’ for the victims of Haiti. Oh, yeah, we’re gonna have Miley Cyrus and Susan Boyle sing on it by the way. Whaddya think?”
On the one hand, Stipe was probably happy that his iconic melody would be used to raise money for one of the worst natural tragedies ever. But you know, somewhere deep down inside that fuzzy, giant skull of his, he had to have the least bit of regret for writing the saddest “don’t kill yourself” tune of all time.
Here is the single, available for download next Sunday, which also features Leona Lewis, Mariah Carey, Cheryl Cole, Mika, Michael Buble, James Blunt, Jon Bon Jovi, Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams, and a bunch of British people you haven’t heard of.
(via ONTD)
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
Your Full List Of 2010 Oscar Nominees
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
Best Picture
Avatar
The Blind Side
District 9
An Education
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious
A Serious Man
Up
Up In The Air
– We went 7-for-10 in our Best Picture predictions yesterday, erroneously including Invictus and Nine, two semi-flop dramas that I underestimatedly expected the Academy to just toss in there, and also mistakenly included Crazy Heart, which apparently only exists so Jeff Bridges can finally get his Acting Oscar.
In their places, the Academy, in a stunning display of open-mindedness and competency, actually included Up and District 9, two awesome and universally well-reviewed movies that I was rooting for, but which are precisely the type of films that never would’ve had a shot to crack the 5 nominees under the old system (maybe this 10 nominee thing is only slightly completely ridiculous?) They also threw in The Blind Side — a film that voters would’ve forgotten if it came out earlier in the year or didn’t perform as well at the box office — which I definitely didn’t see coming. Get it? Blind Side? Didn’t see it coming? Whoa, I just got nominated for an Oscar for COMEDY.
Best Actress
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Helen Mirren, The Last Station
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Gabourey Sidibe, Precious
Meryl Streep, Julia And Julia
– Probably a toss-up between Mulligan and Bullock, depending on whether Hollywood wants to pull the “Make Younger Actress More Known To Boost Future Box Offices” or the “Reward Veteran Actress For Doing A Bunch Of Movies”. I think they’ll go with Bullock.
Best Actor
Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
George Clooney, Up In The Air
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Morgan Freeman, Invictus
Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker
– Much as I’d love to see Renner snag this, it’s clearly Jeff Bridges’ to lose. Clooney will get some votes too, but ultimately his position will be weakened because he already has a Supporting Actor Award, whereas it’s probably a now-or-never year for the well-liked Bridges.
After the jump, the rest of your 2010 Academy Award Nominees — feel free to leave your own reactions / predictions in the comments:
Best Supporting Actress
Penelope Cruz, Nine
Vera Farmiga, Up In The Air
Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart
Anna Kendrick, Up In The Air
Mo’Nique, Precious
– Mo’Nique is the clear favorite; with her unique role, combined with the fact that Precious will likely come up short in the other categories and the two Up In The Air people will split votes, I’d say she’s a virtual lock.
Best Supporting Actor
Matt Damon, Invictus
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
Christopher Plummer, Station
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
– If Christoph Waltz doesn’t win this, I’m quitting movies. Fortunately, he will, making the last three Supporting Actor Awards the mass murderer from No Country For Old Men, the mass murderer from Dark Knight, and the mass murderer from Inglourious Basterds. If you wanna win Best Supporting Actor, ya gotta kill a bunch o’ dudes.
Best Director
Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
James Cameron, Avatar
Lee Daniels, Precious
Jason Reitman, Up In The Air
Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds
– Tough call; I foresee the Academy giving Reitman a Screenplay Award so they can omit him from this discussion, which would leave Bigelow vs. Tarantino (assuming Hollywood decides Cameron’s already been properly compensated in the past and with Avatar’s 8 effects awards). Perhaps I’m just biased towards my likeness, but I could see Tarantino taking this, with Hurt Locker triumphing for Best Picture.
Best Animated Picture
Coraline
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Princess And The Frog
The Secret Of Kells
Up
– Though it’s an exceptionally strong Animated field this year, this one’s a factual no-brainer. Clearly it’s gonna be Monsters Vs. Aliens as a write-in candidate.
Best Documentary Feature
Burma VJ
The Cove
Food, Inc.
The Most Dangerous Man In America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers
Which Way Home
– Sad to see Anvil! fail to receive the notoriety (how ironic), but this one’s probably gonna go to Food, Inc., the most marketable of the lot, barring an upset from The Cove.
Best Foreign-Language Film
Ajami (Israel)
The Milk Of Sorrow (Peru)
Un Prophite (France)
El Secreto de Sus Ojos (Argentina)
The White Ribbon (Germany)
– Not gonna lie, don’t have much insight into this one. The White Ribbon is the easiest one for the presenter to pronounce, so we’ll just go with that.
Best Original Screenplay
Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker
Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman, The Messenger
Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, A Serious Man
Bob Peterson & Pete Docter, Up
Quentin Tarantino, Inglourious Basterds
– Tarantino’s the likely frontrunner here, and he’s a shoe-in if they end up deciding not to give him Best Director. Really encouragingly strong list here, though.
Best Adapted Screenplay
Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci and Tony Roche, In The Loop
Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell, District 9
Geoffrey Fletcher, Precious
Nick Hornby, An Education
Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, Up In The Air
– I’m ecstatic to see the guys from In The Loop get nominated, and their script couldn’t be more deserving, but Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner are a virtual lock here.
Best Original Song
‘Almost There’ from The Princess and the Frog, Music and Lyrics by Randy Newman
‘Down in New Orleans’ from The Princess and the Frog, Music and Lyrics by Randy Newman
‘Loin de Paname’ from Paris 36, Music by Reinhardt Wagner Lyric by Frank Thomas
‘Take It All’ from Nine, Music and Lyric by Maury Yeston
‘The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)’ from Crazy Heart, Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett
Best Original Score
Avatar
Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Hurt Locker
Sherlock Holmes
Up
Best Film Editing
Avatar
District 9
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Precious
Best Cinematography
Avatar
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
The White Ribbon
Best Costume Design
Bright Star
Coco Before Chanel
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Nine
The Young Victoria
Best Art Direction
Avatar
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Nine
Sherlock Holmes
The Young Victoria
Best Makeup
Il Divo
Star Trek
The Young Victoria
Best Documentary Short Subject
China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province
The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner
The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
Music by Prudence
Rabbit à la Berlin
Best Animated Short Film
French Roast
Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty
The Lady and the Reaper (La Dama y la Muerte)
Logorama
A Matter Of Loaf And Death
Best Live Action Short Film
The Door
Instead Of Abracadabra
Kavi
Miracle Fish
The New Tenants
Best Sound Editing
Avatar
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Star Trek
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
Best Sound Mixing
Avatar
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
Star Trek
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
Best Visual Effects
Avatar
District 9
Star Trek
Reactions to the nominees? Early Oscar predcitions? Debate away in the comments.
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
Important Info About Penis Dot Net
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
This may be the greatest and most urgent email we’ve ever received to our tips line:
I left the last part in just because “LLC” makes me laugh. The Penis.net people are making sure to maximize their tax-exemptions.
Also, the difference between 1 million Google searches for “penis” and 2.2 million Google searches for “penis” is astronomical — I had no idea there was such a wild month-to-month swing of amount of times people type “penis” into Google. I guess it depends on the weather — in the summer, it stays light out late, so I’m outside a lot, but in the winter, there’s literally nothing else to do besides going home and typing penis into Google.
Also also, our company would be interested in penis.net “for obvious reasons”? Which obvious reasons would those be? My overwhelming gayness or just my general enthusiasm for penises? If we’re gonna do business together, some clarity would be appreciated.
So yeah, long story short, anyone know a good place to get “CEO, Penis.net” business cards printed up?
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
What If A Cat Really Needed Glasses?
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
Really, isn’t it possible cats and dogs and all of God’s creatures have bad vision? Highly possible, we say.
In an unrelated story, here is a video of a Japanese business cat using a Japanese hotel booking website. The last shot of it will one day by my NY Times vows photo. BEST 13 SECONDS YOU WILL SPEND ALL WEEK. (via Buzzfeed)
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Feb/100
Want An Amusing Duck Stuck In Your Head All Weekend?
Category: Celebrity and Gossip>Best Week Ever
Meet Amusing Duck, the toys series with a strong sense for playing:
Now listen to Amusing Duck LAY EGG IS TRUE!!! And enjoy having this in your head all weekend:
Actually, stuck in my head right now I’ve got a weird hybrid of this duck quacking and the phrase “LAY EGG IS TRUE” set to Elvis Costello’s “Alison”.
Blog contents are provided by Best Week Ever
Categories
Business (951)
Celebrity and Gossip (272)
- Best Week Ever (272)
- Environmental (288)
- Famous Bloggers (158)
- Food (374)
- Games (43)
- Jokes (311)
- Movies (284)
- Music (195)
- Parenting (193)
- Puzzle (3)
- Sports (178)
- Technology (1014)
- Travel (162)
- Women (4)